Applicants wanted for the position of Resident House Ghost | by Liz Wride

Ref: GHOUL-95

Job Title: Resident House Ghost
Job Type: Entry Level, 1 year contract
Deadline: Ongoing
Location: United Kingdom

About Us:
We, the Baker Family, are not actually bakers. We live in a three-storey mid-terrace house, read the papers on Sundays and buy full-fat milk, rather than semi-skimmed. We are seeking a resident house ghost to liven up the days that end in y.

About You:
You’ll be a recently, or not so recently, deceased spirit, looking for a regular haunt.

Essential Criteria:
All applicants must be familiar with the dark art of the séance. Ability to communicate via upturned glass and table rattling is paramount.

Desirable Criteria:
We particularly welcome applications from those with experience in:

       –    Wailing
       –    Banshee-like Screaming
       –    Blood-soaked messages on walls (clear handwriting is a must)
       –    Possession of antique objects
       –    Unique Backstories (tragic lives; a history of unrequited love; sudden, mysterious death).

Progression within the role:
Please note, Spectres with significant experience, or Spectres-of-note, need not apply.

This role, while entry-level, has plenty of room for growth. With two teenage daughters in residence, there is always a chance that a midnight floorboard creak will end up on social media, and be blown out of all proportion. Notoriety could soon be yours!

Brexit and Special Considerations:
Due to ongoing political implications, we regret to inform candidates that we cannot accept applications from spirits who lived, or died outside of the United Kingdom. We hope in the coming months and years to be able to rectify this, and welcome overseas spirits to our property.

Final Disclaimer:
We reserve the right to exorcise any spirit that becomes too rambunctious during the hiring process or the contract period, under the 1973 Exorcism Act.

To Apply:
Please contact us directly. A séance is being held at the property on the evening of October the 5th.



Liz Wride writes short stories and plays. Her short fiction has been shortlisted for the ELLE UK writing award and Liar’s League. Her work has been published in The Ginger Collect, The Swansea Review, and Mantle Lane Press‘ anthology ‘Beneath the Waves’. She is currently looking for her crystal ball – if you’ve seen it, let her know @lizwride 

Posted In: