Someone’s blowing a leaf blower. On and on for hours. The sound drives me out of my mind.

 

A few blocks down, the construction crew has blocked the whole street. They’re setting up new traffic signals. A bunch of men in crane-like things. I stand on the sidewalk, in the sun and noise, watching the work. I eat a tub of popcorn as I watch.

 

It’s not my fault. I’ve been hungry for a while now. A long, long time. The freezer has been full to capacity – for months – but I can’t bring myself to open it. Not a failure of nerve! It’s just that I like thinking about it, full as it is, the organs lolling inside it, tongue over toe over eye, over kidney, over spleen, over kidney again, there were many of those, a much confused mess.

 

I buy icicles. I eat these in the sun. I love it when the sugar drips on the sidewalk.

 

Don’t look at me like that. (more…)

*inspired by Sylvia Plath’s classic poem “Lady Lazarus”

 

i have done it again
once a day,
lean

a sort of walking miracle, my skin,
look at my wrist, about ten
my middle finger

a paperweight
my body clothed in supreme
and bape

peel off the layers of autotune
do i terrify?
or do the rooftops i jump from come back to haunt me? (more…)

After my brother died and came back as a ghost, Mom took up an interest in astrology. When she was away at work, I looked up the meaning of myself. A water sign even though I couldn’t swim. You were made of air, which made sense, given your tendency to jump from things. Mom had ripped out all the pages on my brother. A fire sign. I found them in her nightstand and read every page. When she found them out of order that night, she yelled at me. Can’t I have any privacy? She was worried my brother, who’d taken refuge in the living room and refused to move, was going to burn down the house. That’s ridiculous, he said, but he wasn’t talking to Mom anymore, so I had to tell her. Water cancels fire, I said, and Mom said, It’s sweet, these little things you believe in. Afterwards, you told me we could float away from it all. Air goes up for miles, you said, and I thought of the nothingness that came after. (more…)

SLUT SHAME

It’s funny how they always blame it on
the girl. Cherchez la femme now slut shame. Like
itty bitty me could bring down the sons
of industry and prep school breeding. Strike
some blow against the aristocracy 
still armed with money, power, even God
when I don’t even have a solid plan
or decent reputation. Use my body
and blame me for your weakness. It can’t be
you. It cannot be that I was something 
you so wanted you gave up all to see
me crawl across your kitchen nude and lean
like some malnourished kitty cat while you
hold all the milk and savor every mew.
(more…)

splint

oh you, you must live to be hush, my honeydew
—I have to have you, your ankle, your hormone, the
ladybirds twisting there against your scalp. I never want

to check my email ever again today. never want the copious
blood in my hole, I would hate to be left on the cool, white
stairs without any rosebuds from the bachelor. and today,

I purchased a very large box of strawberries, astonishing
and huge, and there was a dead baby sugar-ant in one of the
sepals. such tiny beings tend to sicken me, but now that I think (more…)

Synthetic Reincarnate

Words will be the most sadistic instruments 明教
Producing purely imagistic quantum Manichean
Mythos Valentinian Hallucinating La Vita Nuova
Emanating Emancipated worlds within perpetuity
Lighting Itself immolating past Lyric via negativa

Logic to dichotomous staccato Over
Souls flow Like Lava Phaedrus diōs
Marian Apparitions Muerte scythed (more…)