Howdy. I have muscular calves. No offense—you are
beautiful, look like a treasure, perfect combination
of sexy and cute. I’ve always had an eye on the finer

things in life, obviously had to message you. Let’s drink
beer and eat ice cream (I don’t drink hot beverages —
that’s the devil’s temperature). I wear glasses, have an

accent, nerdy as it can possibly get. Not really good
at talking about myself, but I’m a real person. Not everybody
can take care of a treasure, but I can show you my

excellent massage skills. Would you be interested in
a married guy? Press 0 to be disconnected or enter
your phone number to continue.

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Lines for “Lines that Make Me Want to Become a Cat Lady” taken from OkCupid dating site:

“no offense you are beautiful” — monks66

“Howdy…I have muscular calves” — jaywoods152

“Let’s drink beer and eat icecream. my tremendous intuitive sense of the female creature informs me that you are troubled.” — Dopestdave1808

“Congratulations! Your application to be Anthony’s future wife has been successfully submitted. Press 0 to be disconnected or enter your phone number to continue.” —Arizzo7

“Like i stated in the beginning you look like a treasure and not everybody know how to take care of treasure as but i can promise you with respect, caring, and loyalty which i want back in return “ — whocanispoil

“Show you my excellent massage skills. It may be a tense year.” — Neworleans10

“Im sure you get this a lot but you look like the perfect combination of sexy and cute”  — yaoming48

“I’ve always had an eye on the finer things in life. So obviously, I had to message you. Hey!” — SP15a

“I’m not really good at talking about myself but I’m a real person and wanted to say hello.” — Stratocat88

“I see you like coffee. I don’t drink coffee. Actually, I don’t drink hot beverages of any kind. That’s the devil’s temperature.” — jdobored

“I am a school nerd sorry. I wear glasses and I have an accent. I am as nerdy as it can possibly get.” — Tem2016asaurus

“would you be interested in a married guy?” — 212doublem

 

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Vanessa Peterson received her BA in English with a writing concentration from Lock Haven University of Pennsylvania and is currently attending graduate school at Arcadia University. She’s studying to receive her MFA in poetry and is a current poetry editor for Marathon Literary Review. She lives in Northeastern Pennsylvania. Her work has been previously published in Unlost Journal.