This ache sits and asks for my attention –
I have wanted to die, but never like this.
I have counted out the seeds of starting
anew, have found them inadequate.
I have sought out an antidote for this
life poorly lived, have found it lacking.
I have grown tired of losing my mind
responsibly & there is rage in this husk
of a woman. There is a lovelessness that
sits stagnant in the pit of my stomach –
I have wanted to die, but never like this.
The sun slants in through the sheer slip
of curtain, stretches itself thin on this
hospital bed, kisses the stubble on my legs,
& it is beautiful in that it has nothing to do with you.

 

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Emma Tulloch is a writer and student who was raised by the ocean, currently lives in the city, and can’t decide which existence is the lonelier one. This is her first published work. You can find her on Twitter and Instagram @emmaelizabetht.